“Pull it together. Suck it up. Why am I like this? What was I thinking? Do more. Stress less. Shake it off. Move on. If I can just get through this week, day, year… Fake it till you make it. Never let them see you sweat.”
If you are anything like me and millions of others, you have battled this self-talk. If that’s the case, you might also struggle with sleep disruptions, health challenges, overwhelming stress at work or home, and shame around not being able to “do it all,” just to name a few. Historically, it has been viewed as poor taste to discuss these challenges. Our society tends to see talking about our difficulties as a sign of weakness. I am here to tell you that this is wildly false! You might be asking yourself, “What makes you the expert?” Aside from my professional training in the field of psychology and health and wellness coaching, I too have had my own challenges – getting it terribly wrong before getting it right for a little while and then doing it wrong again. Further, and more importantly, there is a large and growing body of research supporting that we NEED to talk about it.
This series is about normalizing the human experience by discussing the things we tend to mask or hide from others to avoid appearing weak or facing judgment. Ironically, experiencing emotions is what actually makes us uniquely human. We are emotional beings hardwired for connection. When we can’t name and process our emotions, and talk about our traumas as events that happened to us rather than defining who we are, we end up stuffing it down and “putting on a happy face.” The hard part is that whether we process it in a healthy way or not, it will present itself to us at some point, whether we like it or not. Our lived experiences shape how we process the world and how we function within it. One determining factor in how successful our outcomes are is our understanding of the interplay between our awareness and how our lived experiences affect how we react to stimuli. Research shows that our experiences affect our future functioning. Traumatic experiences especially can not only affect our reactions and our ability to regulate but, if left unaddressed, can even affect how our genes are expressed biologically (a concept researched by Dr. Bruce Perry, Dr. Gabor Maté, among others). This is one way we pass our “stuff” onto the next generation. Our inaction contributes to the generational trauma of the people we care most about. Now, let me be clear. I am not saying that the whole world has been traumatized and that we should just fester and stew in our negative experiences. Rather, I am saying that traumatic experiences are far more common than we’d like to admit, and not talking about them isn’t serving anyone, most importantly ourselves. Whether it is a “Big T” traumatic experience or some sort of long-term stress that has caused trauma, science shows us that there is a high likelihood it will affect our physical health, relationships, and healthy expression of emotions if left unaddressed. People who experience trauma are statistically more likely to experience health conditions such as hypertension, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, obesity, and cancer. Maybe not so apparent but arguably more impactful is the disconnect between our awareness (mind) and bodies (AKA: The Mind-Body Connection) that arises.
This might not be new information to you, but what might be less familiar is what trauma is. In theory, most of us could define a traumatic experience. What I am referring to is creating a working definition of trauma through a dynamic lens that encompasses the multifaceted and complex elements of trauma to create an understanding of how it relates to our health and well-being. So, let’s dig in: what is trauma anyway, and is it possible to heal from it? We will be answering this question in next week’s blog post. In the meantime, I have some homework for you in the form of self-exploration.
THIS WEEK’S EXPLORATION:
When you experience feelings, where do you notice sensations in your body? For instance, when you are stressed, is there a tightness in your chest? Do your thoughts race? When angry, do you observe a wave of heat like a hot flash or tension in different parts of your body? Being able to notice these sensations is the first step towards moving back into the driver’s seat. This is the first step towards being in control. While it may seem juvenile, many of us have developed survival tactics to protect ourselves from experiencing uncomfortable feelings which often leads to a disconnection between our mind and body and a decrease in self-awareness. While this way of being may have served us at one time, chances are there are things we can let go of in the interest of living a healthier and more present life.
