Understanding Trauma and Why “Sucking It Up” No Longer Serves Us
“If we could begin to see much illness itself not as a cruel twist of fate or some nefarious mystery but rather as an expected and therefore normal consequence of abnormal, unnatural circumstances, it would have revolutionary implications for how we approach everything health-related. The ailing bodies and minds among us would no longer be regarded as expressions of individual pathology but as living alarms directing our attention toward where our society has gone askew, and where our prevailing certainties and assumptions around health are, in fact, fictions. Seen clearly, they might also give us clues as to what it would take to reverse course and build a healthier world (Maté & Maté, 2022).”
In the book, The Myth of Normal: Trauma Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture, Gabor Matè M.D. with Daniel Matè suggest that “chronic illness – mental or physical – is to a large extent a function of the way things are and not a glitch; a consequence of how we live, not a mysterious aberration (Maté & Maté, 2022).” As a society, we have normalized the abnormal.
Despite being one of the wealthiest and most advanced nations, our well-being is suffering. Mental health diagnoses are on the rise, and roughly 60% of adults have at least one chronic, often preventable condition such as high blood pressure or diabetes.
To address this, we need to deepen our understanding of what truly impacts our health and well-being, with a particular focus on trauma. While many recognize that big, scary, or dangerous events can cause trauma, the concept is more complex than often understood. Trauma can result from toxic environments, experiences that overwhelm our ability to cope, and sustained high levels of stress. Though daunting, healing is possible, especially when we recognize that many of us have grown up in a culture that valued “sucking it up” and “putting on a happy face.” These strategies may have helped us cope with difficult circumstances in the past, but they often no longer serve us and can contribute to unhealthy living.
Steps to Healing
Talk About It: Shame is toxic, and toxic environments are traumatizing. By talking about our experiences, we release ourselves from shame and provide a healthy model for others.
Mind-Body Connection: We’ve been conditioned to avoid discomfort, yet discomfort signals something we need to address. We must tune in to our body’s signals and ask, “Why am I experiencing this?”
Connection and Support Systems: We are not meant to go through life alone. Researchers like Brené Brown and Bruce Perry, as well as the US Surgeon General, emphasize the importance of connection. Find a support network—whether family, friends, coaches, or therapists.
We have one life to live. Let’s live it fully rather than numbing ourselves to the things that could allow us to live longer and more wholeheartedly. If you’re ready to start your journey, coaching is a great way to move towards healing. Please reach out for a free consultation to discuss how I can support you.
Maté, G., & Maté, D. (2022). The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture. Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.
This Week’s Exploration
Consider journaling or reflecting on the following:
- How does trauma show up in your life and affect your health and well-being?
- What habits or ways of living no longer serve you?
- What behavior changes would you like to make to improve your health?
- Who can you talk to about your experiences, and who might help you stay accountable to your goals?
