Let’s Talk About Mental Load
Before diving into this topic, there’s something crucial I need to emphasize: We absolutely LOVE OUR PARTNERS! I can’t stress this enough. Life wouldn’t be the same without them—our worlds are brighter, funnier, more exciting, and more enjoyable because they’re by our sides.
However—and this is a big however—there often tends to be one partner who takes on the majority of the responsibilities. When I talk about mental load, I’m addressing you, the primary parents and partners. You know who you are; this message is for you.
To those who are planning, packing, scheduling, driving, working, budgeting, shopping, cooking, parenting, coaching, healing, caretaking, earning, educating, cleaning, and, most importantly, loving—I SEE YOU. You’re doing all these things and more. This isn’t just a list of tasks; it’s a reflection of the all-encompassing, often overwhelming, reality that some people face every day. The mental load alone can create an insurmountable feeling that weighs on us.
You might wonder, “What about when you’re sleeping?” Well, where are my 3:10 AM risers? The ones who wake up realizing they forgot to pack a lunch, order a uniform, or pick up a prescription. Those who worry about how to help their aging parents, struggling teen, or burdened best friend. You are me, and I am you.
These are the perfect conditions for frustration, burnout, and a sense of defeat to take root. If you identify with any of this and have ever felt guilty for being upset, tired, or overwhelmed, I’m here to remind you to go back and read that list. As primary parents or partners, it can feel like there’s no rest for the weary. And while the saying may be overused, it’s true: we cannot pour from an empty cup. Yet, when someone suggests taking a break, many of us respond with a collective, frustrated sigh, thinking, “If not me, then who will make sure everything gets done?”
Lately, I’ve started asking myself, “What if it doesn’t get done?” “What if it’s not perfect?” “What if I say ‘No’?” “What if all we need is less?”
As a health and wellness coach, one of the biggest barriers I see holding my clients back from achieving their goals is an inability to let go. And, as I type this, I acknowledge that I might be the number one offender. Yet, here we are. We have to start letting things go. We, along with society, have set unrealistic expectations for success, and I’m here to suggest that we start giving ourselves permission to let go. This isn’t just self-care; it’s health care. We are the most stressed, most medicated, and most ill nation in the world, and our society has played a significant role in that. It’s time to flip the script and start letting things go. Our health and well-being depend on it, and our young people deserve role models who show them how to live wholehearted and healthy lives.
Let me help you find your path toward true health care. Together, the possibilities are endless.
In the meantime, I challenge you to make a list of all the “to-dos” and tasks you complete weekly. Identify just one task that you can cross off—whether by assigning it to someone else or letting it go unfinished—but cross it off. What does that open up for you? Whether it’s an extra 5 minutes to listen to your favorite song or an extra 30 minutes of sleep, I bet you won’t regret it!
